In times of brokenness, you will find God’s strength and power 💪🏻♥️

I debated on posting all my thoughts and feelings about not getting hired as a seminary teacher. But, I just felt that I needed to! I hope my experience can benefit someone. 🙏🏻 That is the whole reason why I write and share my life experiences with all of you! That someone out there can profit from my testimony, my struggles, and my experiences in life that have gotten me to where I am today. ♥️ 

To be honest friends, NOT getting hired for Seminary was one of the hardest things I’ve had to go through. I know this was a while ago and some may think “move on already.” “Let it go!” And to you I say, I am trying. It’s something I think about every day.

I’ve lost a couple people close to me, and my experience was like losing a loved one.. 😔 Except, I honestly felt like I was the one that had died. 💔😞 I was grieving, I was sad, I was a little jealous, and at times, I was upset and angry. 

Why did this happen? What do I do now Heavenly Father?

I think in our culture, sometimes we are persuaded to not ask God why things happen to us. Or why bad things happen to good people. If we do say “why me”, we are looked down upon. But in some cases, when life is just so hard that one cannot breathe, I think asking why is ok. For me, I want to understand things. I want to know the why, but so often in life that’s not the case. 

Teaching seminary was my dream. That was my plan. I had finally found a job that I loved. I loved my co-workers, the opportunity I had to study and teach the gospel of Jesus Christ daily. I loved learning more about His life, and meeting all of my AMAZING students, that have changed my life more than they will ever know. 🖤

Student teaching for seminary and being a teacher was a huge part of my identity. Then that got taken away and I didn’t know who I was. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I was still me. But I was different. I was a little broken.... OK maybe a lot broken 😂 I felt like I let myself down, and that I let others down. I kept asking myself what more could I have done? I tried my best, gave it my all, put my heart and soul into it, and it still didn’t work out. Why?

As always in life, it surprises me. It worked out all right, just not the way I thought it was going to. It worked out the way Heavenly Father wanted it to. I know he has a specific plan in store for me soon. And at times we just hold on until more knowledge comes to us. 

I knew life was going to be hard. I knew it was supposed to challenge us and break us to become better. I knew there were going to be disappointments and hardships, but I never imagined they’d be so rough. 😒

To be honest, since not getting hired, I’ve suffered a little spiritually. 😕 there were times that I didn’t do those small and simple things. I just didn’t have a desire to do them. I haven’t been myself. I’ve let temptations, struggles, and my pride get in the way.

When it comes down to it, I haven’t made God a priority. 

Conference, was a wake up call. It was a call for me to remember who is in charge. To remember why I am here. To remember that God does have a plan and I’ll be ok. It brought peace and love to my heart that I hadn’t felt for a while. 🙏🏻♥️

As the tears rolled down my face, I was reminded of just how much Heavenly Father loves me. Me. Little old me. And He loves me so much, He was going to let me struggle and go through something extremely difficult. He is polishing me, refining me, and helping me learn lessons I never could have learned any other way. ♥️ The same goes for the rest of you! 

We don’t ever see what is going to happen to us in the future. But one thing that we can see is the hand of God guiding us. We can feel the love He has for us, feel the love of Jesus Christ, and the guiding voice of the Holy Ghost.

I’ve seen a big difference as I have made God a priority in my life. Nothing miraculous has happened, and my life isn’t automatically perfect, (because that’s not the way God works) but I do have more peace and love in my life. I know He is there. I know I am important, valued, loved, & cherished by Him. And so are YOU. 

I don’t have a lot of answers. Heck, every day I wonder what the future will bring and what I’m going to do with the next step in my life. What job will work out and where I am going to end up. I still have no idea! But I do know that God is aware of me, He’s going before me, and everything is going to be OK. And for now, that has to be enough. ♥️