I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.

Warning: long post ahead! 

I was debating on posting this, but I couldn’t get it out of my head, so here it is. By definition, GRIEF is intense sorrow. Sadness rips through you. You cry and cry and cry. To give your heart and soul to something that you wanted to badly, only to find out that it wouldn’t happen. This is a special kind of hard. Then reality sets in: I did not get hired as a seminary teacher.

My posts have always been vulnerable and real. They’ve been happy and uplifting, raw with my emotions, and of my testimony. To say that I’m devastated, is just an understatement. I’m crushed. I’m shocked. I’m sad. I’m hurt. And just as I think I’m done crying, it starts all over again.

This was my dream. What I wanted to do. It’s taken so long to figure out what I’ve wanted to do and now that it’s gone, I honestly don’t know what to do. The crazy thing about grief and disappointment is, that no matter how it comes, it changes you. You become different. Trials are meant to change us. They’re meant to be hard.. so that we can become the new and improved version of ourselves that God wants us to become. 

Accepting God’s will and timing is hard. Because what you really want may not be what He has in store for you. His ways are not my ways, neither His thoughts, my thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8) The trials we go through are very personal. Elder Neil L. Andersen said: “These fiery trials are designed to make you stronger.… They take root in our weaknesses, our vulnerabilities, our sensitivities, or in those things that matter most to us.” With the end goal being, for my GOOD. (D&C122:7)

I have a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I know God is aware of His children and that His plan for me is always better than my plan for me. He knows me! He loves me. And so does my Savior Jesus Christ. They haven’t left me comfortless. “...I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.” (D&C 84:88) 

But like all great things, they take time. So that’s what I am going to do. Take time to heal, keep my chin up, move forward, and keep TRUSTING God, taking one day at a time. ♥️ To all my friends and family who have been there, thank you. I am so GRATEFUL for all of you that have left things on my porch, sent me sweet notes and messages, have been praying for me, and have been there for me. I appreciate them and you more than you know. I love you all! ♥️

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