Trials

There have been so many times in my life where I have been confused and have asked myself the question why is this happening? The memories that flood my mind are ones of agony, despair, frustration, regret, and betrayal. I play in my head over and over again the different scenarios that brought me to that point. In some cases wondering what I did wrong and if I was the cause. The hurt inside me floods out through my eyes that progressively turn into sobs. I'm broken. I'm inconsolable. I'm weak. 

But then, like the light at the end of the deep and dark train tunnel, I see a glimmer of light. Of hope, and of peace. It's as almost if Heavenly Father and His Son, my Savior, Jesus Christ are standing right there. Their arms outstretched and their loving embrace is right there just waiting for me. Me, the one who needs it right there and then.

All my worries and my fears dissipate and I immediately feel relief. A sense of peace and calmness wash over me and I become still. (Be still and know that I am God) I'm reminded of the love and the plan that my Heavenly Father has for me. 

I'm reminded that amidst the trials and tribulations this life gives, it also brings the sweet and tender moments that we get to experience as well. Being able to discern the sweet from the bitter, the good from the bad, and the opportunity we have to come to know our Savior Jesus Christ on a more personal and intimate level. 

He sacrificed His life for ME. He sacrificed His life for YOU. He died so that we might live. I always thought that the atonement of Jesus Christ was just for my sins. The mistakes that I've made. 

The older and wiser I have become in my 24 years of existence on this earth, I have found that not only does it cover the sins and the bad things I do, but it covers everything else as well. The pain, the suffering, the anguish, the betrayal, the emotions (whether good or bad) that I'm feeling. It also covers the sadness and the pain. It takes away the numbness and the nights of loneliness and despair. 

And it turns it into something beautiful. Hilary weeks wrote a song called beautiful heartbreak: 

I had it all mapped out in front of me

Knew just where I wanted to go

But life decided to change my plans

And I found a mountain in the middle of my road

I knew there was no way to move it

So I searched for a way around

Broken-hearted I started climbing

And at the top I found

Every fear, every doubt, all the pain I went through

Was the price that I paid to see this view

Now that I'm here I would never trade

The grace that I feel and the faith that I find

Through the bittersweet tears and the sleepless nights

I used to pray He'd take it all away

But instead it became

A beautiful heartbreak

I never dreamed my heart would make it

And I thought about turning around

But Heaven has shown me miracles

I never would have seen from the ground

Now I take the rain with the sunshine

Cause there's one thing that I know

He picks up the pieces

Along each broken road

Every fear, every doubt, all the pain I went through

Was the price that I paid to see this view

Now that I'm here I would never trade

The grace that I feel and the faith that I find

Through the bittersweet tears and the sleepless nights

I used to pray He'd take it all away

But instead it became

A beautiful heartbreak

Because of Him, I can go one more day. Because of Him, I can be happy! It's the trials and the tribulations that we go through in this life that make us who we are today and the person that Heavenly Father wants us to become. 

I testify that Heavenly Father has a plan for each one of us. He knows us by name. He knows us each so well that we get to go through the trials that we need to go through so that we can become better sons and daughters of Him. 

Trials suck and they're hard and some of them will break you and beat you down. But I know that God is aware. He knows all things, and we can do all things in Him and in His Son. There we find the peace and happiness we have been searching for. We are able to push those trials aside and learn what we need to from each and every one of them. 

God lives and He loves us so much!! That he gave His only begotten Son. That whosoever believe ith in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life.